Attention Vs. Connection
Dating in NYC is hard. It’s challenging to meet people when you’re out because bars are loud, and most people would rather hide behind their phones and swipe (L/R) or slide (into the DMs) instead of approaching you IRL.
I want a man who has the balls to strike up a normal, non-digital conversation. A majority of men who have asked me out recently have slid into my DMs. I’m not shaming it — but if you really want to impress me, try showing up to my spin class instead of using it as a topic of cheesy flirtation. Newsflash: it’s unoriginal. It happens more frequently than me eating pizza after a night out…chew on that for a second. I’d rather be asked about the weather instead of hearing cheap pick-up lines about my livelihood. *Giant eye-roll*
Some of my best friends have found success on these apps, but sadly I feel they are the minority. You can match with dozens of people per day, many of whom you never end up meeting! There are too many options.
Although we strive for connection, if and when we do find it, it’s never enough. People like having options, and the more options you have, the less likely you are to stop browsing. All you have to do is open up Bumble, Hinge, or Happn, and you are presented with five hundred new faces! Choice can be an amazing thing, but when you have infinite options, swiping can become an addiction. How do you know when to stop when there is an endless sea of suitable fish?
Online dating seems like a colossal waste of time. I would rather spend my time talking (not just texting!) to a select few, hence why I do not actively participate in the apps.
Although I have plenty of profiles with pictures up, I only swipe for attention, not connection. Admittedly, I am part of the problem.
Quality > quantity. Too much choice can lead to unrealistic expectations. Selectively chosen photos and experiences displayed on social media condition you to curate versions of yourself. People are not as perfect as they appear on their profiles.
We are on a constant quest for our next source of instant gratification, and because it’s oh-so-easy to get what we want, we don’t spend time trying to work with what we have, or actually get to know one another. Forget being satisfied or even trying. We fear we may be “settling” because there is always always another option out there. But is that really, truly settling? Just because something isn’t 100% perfect? And when a potential problem arises, instead of toughing it out and getting to know each other, its onto the next.
Where is the human interaction? Where is the effort? What about romance? Perhaps, I was born too late…