Isn’t it Ironic?
One day during seventh grade English class, we listened to Alanis Morrisette's hit song, Ironic, from her 1995 album Jagged Little Pill. My teacher, Mrs. Harris, printed out the lyrics and handed each student a sheet of paper. We listened to the 3:45 song over and over for the duration of the class and dissected the lyrics to find examples of "irony." Mrs. Harris' unique exercise made me obsess over using precise language.
A situation is ironic when the reality is not how it appears. True irony requires an opposing meaning between what is said or done versus intent. Morrisette sings, "it's like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife," and while this situation can be frustrating, it is not ironic. She sings, "it's like rain on your wedding day," which is not ironic because the weather is just a happenstance.
Irony can also be confused with the term coincidence. It's a coincidence when you run into an old friend at the Starbucks on 29th and Park Avenue after years of not seeing each other. It's a coincidence that you both order pumpkin-spiced lattes, too. However, if someone is at Starbucks on purpose because he knows you work across the street and is waiting for you to get your regular coffee, the action is intended. And, if you have a court order for said person to stay away from you, the innocent act of them waiting for you to grab a coffee in that particular timeframe becomes illegal.
Stalking isn't an isolated incident. It's coming home to a lobby filled with bouquets by the dozen and leather-bound notebooks because your stalker knows you like to write. For two years, my stalker sent hundreds of disgusting, unwanted messages to me and those closest to me at all imaginable hours of the day. When his lust was unrequited, my indifference ignited an even sicker obsession. No matter how much I begged, pleaded, and sought the assistance of the proper authorities, he wouldn't yield in his dogged attempts to terrorize me and chip away at my self-esteem. The subject always was me, and the content centered on salacious, humiliating lies about my sexual history and dating life. He described my body parts in vile and horrible ways, implying I was knowingly transmitting STDs, calling me a "slut” and a "bitch,” and making continual and concerted attempts to ravage my reputation. More disquietingly, his intentional yet unhinged pattern of slander weakened my friendship networks and isolated me from those who loved me.
The issue with bringing stalking charges against another person is stalking can be challenging to prove, especially if the internet is involved. While cyber-stalking is possible to trace since our fingerprints on the world wide web are permanent, it is easy to hide behind the guise of false accounts and scrambled IP addresses, masking one's identity. Without proper resources and persistence, many people with authority dismiss cyber-stalking cases because they would rather spend resources solving more concrete crimes. The threats are not taken seriously unless a person is physically in danger. This level of nonchalant-ness is unfortunate for victims of stalking, a subset of domestic abuse, because although they suffer immensely on the inside, still, they do not have physical scars to match their internal emotional wounds. To this day, receiving gifts without knowing their origin triggers a surge of cortisol. If I had not known who sent me roses on Valentine's Day this year, I would have thrown them down the shoot without hesitation. Perhaps, I should be more like Miley Cyrus and "buy myself flowers," just in case.
In the Summer of 2022, I became invested in the popular Drama series, The Good Wife, created by Robert and Michelle King. Alicia Florrick, played by Emmy-winner Julianna Margulies, resumes her career as a defense attorney after a political scandal involving her husband. Defense attorneys have one goal: to prove their client's innocence under the law. If there is a smidge of reasonable doubt, the judge will rule in favor of the defendant. The governing rules of language I once found comforting no longer bring me peace. Lawyers adhere to the specificity of the written law to construct an argument. The sad truth is people can easily manipulate our justice system because there are inexplainable holes that allow expert storytelling to fill in the gaps while ultimately reconstructing reality. Although our constitution binds them, lawyers will jigsaw together a logical statement to bring false vindication to criminals who abuse the system using these grammatical rules – it's a matter of syntax.
Earlier this year, I received a document via regular mail from the Family Court of the State of New York informing me that the man stalking me since 2019 applied for an Order of Protection against me. My stalker filed a claim against me. I wrote a series of short Japanese poems called Senryu on this blog in August 2022. The fragmented sentences depict my feelings and highlight the frustration regarding answers I still don't have. There was no call to action – no mention of a name. But he hacked my poem to bits, selecting the line he thought might best flip the script, manipulating my words from victim to villain. My poems are metaphorical, and do not pose a legitimate threat. Since he is not legally allowed to contact me directly, he used the guise of an illegitimate police report to continue to harass me while he waited for his sentence last month.
Isn't that ironic?